Sextraveganza is this weekend.
It is a human sexuality seminar for our senior high students. We bring in Kathleen Fischer, a parenting teacher who has written a few books, to speak. We will be spending all day tomorrow talking about relationships, sex, birth control, time lines, the body, God, std’s, differences in guys and girls behavior, etc. They will be in a large group, small groups of same sex, and small groups mixed for various discussions and activities. After it is over we have a lock in, and then church is in the morning. The lock in may sound weird, but we find many times those “after hours” conversations are so important. This provides time and space if a teen needs to talk at length with the staff or volunteers that they trust. We had a parent meeting the other night, and it is always great to see parents that are ready to partner with us on such issues! (So, thank you if you came!)
In preparation, I have been looking over our agendas, reading my own materials that I have from some teen sexuality courses I took at ACU, reading books from my library, and then gathering my thoughts on relationships from my past/present experiences. In the process, the topic of “what do I want? girls want? guys want?” came to mind. Kathleen Fischer mentioned something in reference to “bad boys” that I thought kind of hit the nail on the head for me.
What women want…
I think most women want someone that is confident.
Think about it. I mean, I have dated/hung out/going out/been in a relationship with/hooked up/crushed on/been a bf-gf/insert clever way to say dating here– several different types of guys. I don’t think I really have a stereotype. I mean the basketball star, artsy John Mayer guy, the ministers kid, the small town guy, the guy that doesn’t want to settle down, the guy who made me laugh a lot, the guy with no direction, the guy that worked out a lot, the guy that turned alcoholic, the pre-law guy, the youth ministry guy, the guy that was short, the really deep guy, the guy that was a year younger, the guy in Galaxy, and the guy in Frats, the guy from a big city, the rich guy, the poor guy, the guy that could dress, the guy afraid of moths, the golfer, the cute guy, the guy that was balding, the guy that could rap (& btw multiple of these characteristics described the same guys…I haven’t had that many bf’s).
Every one is different. I think when it boils down to it. You just want someone that is confident. Confident to ask you out. To come across the room. To make that move. To not worry about being rejected (most girls don’t reject a guy right off the bat btw). To not worry about the amount of change in his pocket because he is creative. To not worry about his hair falling out.
I know guys always say we girls fall for the “bad boys.” Well, the truth is– a lot of times the bad boys are more comfortable or confident in themselves, and therefore it makes us girls confident in them as well…even if it is false.
Don’t get worked up.
I bet it is similar with guys. I mean don’t most guys like girls that are confident in themselves??? I mean I hope so! I always hear how annoyed guys are when a girl is tugging at her clothes. When girls order salads on dates. When girls won’t actually play the game and get dirty. When girls can’t go to the bathroom by themselves. All of those complaints are confidence.
I mean, I have a stupid rule for myself…I hate it when I see a girl with really cute high heels in…her hands… yeah, like you buy these expensive shoes. Then you can’t even own up to that you are supposed to wear them on your feet. Why do you have them if you are not going to actually wear them? That is stupid. I feel that if I was stupid enough to buy a pair of uncomfortable shoes and then wear them…I should be punished. I mean, wear them. Your feet may hurt, and I may never put that shoe back on my foot again. The point is own it. Own yourself. Be confident. I am confident that my feet hurt, but what good is that shoe to me if I don’t put it on? What good am I if I can never go to the bathroom by myself? What if I am alone at some point? Will I just pee my pants? What good is it if a guy is really smart and talented in an area, but he never has the confidence to go on that job interview? What good is it if a guy from a small town that like basketball is too embarrassed to ask the city girl that likes basketball out? What good is it to whine about something instead of having the confidence to seek help? What good is it to have God if you never live in a heavenly mindset that things are bigger than you?
Confidence. Get it. Got it. Good.
Have confidence in you. Be you. Be who God made you to be. Have confidence in the one who created you. Have God confidence.
It’s just like that song we sang before cheer tryouts in high school, “I’ve got confidence, oh yes I do, my Lord is gonna see me through. Know matter what the case may be, my God is gonna fix it for me!”