It’s not a problem


I have almost posted this post several time in the past 8 months.  In fact, I actually wrote it on August 27th, just a few days before my birthday.  At the time being, I was in the middle of announcing my move from Trinity to Destin, and it didn’t seem like the proper time to post this.  I told myself to shelf it until January.  So, I left it alone.  January came and went, and I honestly didn’t give this post a single thought.  Then came February.  We were doing a dating series in youth, and I half way thought about posting it just because of the timing.  However, to be honest, I was so busy, I never made the time to sit down and post this…

So yesterday, I was having lunch with a friend and they were talking about this topic and a friend of theirs.  This post came to my mind.  I started telling her about it, and her response was, “So many girls and women need to hear this RIGHT NOW.”  Really, it is quite selfish of me to not share something like this if there is a need.

Before you read, read between my lines that I am saying, I am hesitant to post this because I don’t want anyone to think “she wrote a blog on how she doesn’t need or want a man.” That is not it at all.  God has placed that desire in me, and it is a battle of submission to God’s timing on my part.  I have asked for the desire to be taken if that is not for me a bazillion times.  God hasn’t seemed to smooth that out of my heart, so I am guessing it is a good desire that will be brought to fruition in His due season and time.

So what you read below, I hope it blesses you.  Send it to a friend.  Lastly, keep in mind I did write this a few days before my 27th birthday.  Quite a bit has changed for me in those 8 months.  Healing, growth, and hope has increased. 🙂

From August 27th, 2013…

“Today, I am going to wade down into the deep end of the pool on a topic that I have never broached head on in my blog before…I have hinted at it, implied things (whether you got what I meant or not), and I have talked about this topic in terms of youth.  Today, I am going talk about it in my terms, as a chick, pursuing God, doing youth ministry, and yes… even being… single.

Yes, I just said the “s” word.

It is the pink elephant at every party and social gathering among young adults.  Who is single and who is not?

I have come a long way baby on this on this topic…and it has been a spiritual journey to say the least.  If I am completely honest, it is even a slight bit painful that I can even write about it.  You probably are wondering why.  Well let me tell you. This sounds childish to even write.  I never really told anyone until recently, I had a deadline on myself mentally.  Yep, a deadline…set by me, created by me, and I was the one who kept myself enslaved to it really until about January (2013).  When I entered college as a bright eyed youth ministry major in a field of study with about 5 girls and 90 guys in my class, I told myself that everything will “be ok” as long as I am married by age 27.

Well, low and behold,…27 is a knocking, and you guessed it, my facebook status did not change while you were away on vacation…I am not married…or engaged…or in a relationship as of right now.  The funny part about this is that everything really is ok…now.  I think I thought the world was going to end or something back then.  I have totally different thoughts on the whole thing now.

I have friends who married right out of college, ones who got married 4 years after college, ones who are still single and ok, ones who are dating and ok, ones who are still single and not ok, and ones who are dating and can not let that man tie his shoes to even go to the ring shop they are in such a hurry.  People in their 20s and early 30s specifically are all over the spectrum on this topic.

I have never really been the girl who has asked for people to set me up with people.  I know some people meet this way, and good for them.  There are only a few people who I feel like actually know me well enough to know who would be the type of guy I would want to be with…and for that matter that I trust as judges of character.  I don’t want just any rando person picking that type of thing out…so if you were already playing match maker in your head, just stop.

About my age, people, and youth especially, start to tease and ask about online dating.  Ok, I really tried that a while ago for a solid 2 months just to say that I tried it.  It ended up with me getting starbucks all over me because the dude was so nervous.  And hiking “for fun,” which is something I only do typically about twice a year when I need space or in student ministry.  All the dates I had were with good guys who believed in the Lord, but ultimately weren’t in love with the Lord…that is kind of a hard thing to describe in an add…and kind of a deal breaker.

I was on the phone with a dear sweet friend the other day who also happens to be single.  She said she went to a 4th of July party and a married guy at the party was pestering her about why she wasn’t with someone.  He was asking her, what was she doing to make her single?  She is on online dating.  She dates.  She’s in a small group at church.  She works out (and likes to hike unlike me).  She goes to art walks.  Young Professional gatherings.  The dog park. The list goes on… It must be something she is doing or not doing. Why hasn’t this horrible problem been fixed? Ok, he didn’t say that last thing, but he was implying it.

She said something to me that really struck me.  She said, “It’s not a problem.  Being single is not something you have to fix.” I really chewed on that on my drive home from Nashville.

It isn’t a problem.

I mean, it may be to my parents because they want cute little grandkids pronto.  It may be to my parents because they still worry about me safely making it home at night with out someone being there to “receive” me.  Otherwise, it really shouldn’t be a problem to anyone else… Maybe all those other people just want us to be as happy as they are.  Maybe they want to see cute kids too.  But really, what’s it to them?

People.  We “singles” are not like a dishwasher that is broken and needs to be fixed.  We are more like flowers that just bloom in a different season.

All I can say, is yeah, I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be ok with Romeo coming in to sweep me off my feet.  However, I am ok.   I have a rich life. I am not talking financially. Although, I don’t lack any needful thing. I enjoy what I do, because I am called to it.  I have wonderful friends.  I can go and do things as I please.  I can enjoy little ones and then send them right back over to mama.  Ultimately, I am in some ways thankful that I have this time.  Just by statistics, I am sure I will end up married some day, but in the time being, I just want to enjoy the season of life I am in…I don’t want a relationship with just anyone… which is why I don’t want to do online dating or be set up by some acquaintance. When the timing is right; it will be right.  It’s the right time.  Just not the right time for that.”

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